Week 13….

And to be fair, I know I don’t have to work the way that I do — to write the way that I do — to use the em dash the way that I do (and always will, bots be darned). But here’s the secret to this corner of my life: I want to do it this way.

Like eating a bowl of vegan ramen on a hot day, it may not make sense, but the act of writing is rich and soothing to my mental faculties. And when I find myself in times of trouble — because I have no idea how to begin — Stephen Sondheim comes to me, speaking words of wisdom: “White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So many possibilities.” And then I slurp down those warm noodles while simultaneously reveling in the feel of the sun blanketing my arms.

This is the serenity that only comes because of the struggle; because I’ve sat in front of my computer or with an open notebook, tapping/scribbling away hours of the day.

It may be hard to believe (meh, probably not that hard) but in the waking-world, the ol’ IRL, I have difficulty saying what’s on my mind; to articulate my feelings outside of a song. This is probably why, as you may recall from a blog post of yore, I sing ALL the time — music is a safe space for my emotions, big and small, piano or forte.

Ever since middle school, I’ve had an on-again-off-again relationship with keeping a diary. Whenever I’ve moved, I’ve also donated many a blank journal that I had every intention of filling, but was never quite able to commit to the practice. And that’s what writing is for me: practice. I’ve come a long way since I was 12 (at least I hope I have) in regards to my EQ, and part of that growth is the recognition that emotions are messy AF and you have to practice navigating them the same way you would any other skill.

However, I am given to reticence when among strangers (call me Darcy), so I shall try this whole “being-known” thing by using the ancient tool of my people: the blog.

Which brings me back to AI. You want to hear what Meg!bot sounds like?

Communication is simultaneously the most natural thing we do and the most complicated puzzle we’ll never solve — I can send a perfectly crafted message with emojis and context, and somehow it still lands differently than intended, but then a single :healthasaurus_heart: says everything that needs to be said. It’s this beautiful, frustrating dance of being clear without over-explaining, thorough without overwhelming, and present without burning out, and honestly, even when it’s messy, there’s something magical about the moments when it actually works.

That’s… pretty close. A bit overwritten. And all it took was a Quicksight prompt (and access to 2+ years of Slack posts), and boom! instant-ramen-Meg.

Except, my appetite has not been sated. It’s like cooking vs. ordering out; there is joy in taking fresh ingredients (words), tested recipes (literary devices), and making something that’s just for my tastes. Ordering out has its place, but it’s expensive, and I don’t get to “take chances, make mistakes and get messy (long live The Friz).” And since I am a slow-brained human, writing my way takes time.

(I promise, this is not a long excuse about why I was too busy to post anything last week — although I was, and I have witnesses)

Sometimes, I will even embrace the esoteric and draft a post by hand. In fact, I am writing this while in the middle of the Japantown food-court. The adjacent table is occupied by an elder gentleman folding origami. There are about twenty completed figures laid out before him, including a tiger, a carton of French Fries, and multi-colored ladies with parasols. He takes his time with each one, pausing for photos with high school students, or to give an impromptu lesson to a curious child. Behind him, kitty-cornered, a younger man is drawing on an easel.

… And here we all sit for another thirty minutes: scribbling, sketching, and sharing the joys of creating something with others. What a time to be alive ❤

SF Neighborhoods/Places Explored: Ocean Beach and Outer Sunset; Fillmore and Japantown

Soundtrack: Tom Jones (and Sting)

Bus + Bench Book: The Healing Hippo of Hinode Park by Michiko Aoyama (just finished)

Lesson-Learned: The importance of being earnest