Week 04…

I almost didn’t write this week, because I was worried I didn’t have anything worth saying. I was too much in my own head, and as a result of which, I didn’t start this process until Sunday, instead of drafting something like I normally do. On Saturday, I sat on my new couch, watched the BBC, and waited either for the laundry to get done, or for the time when I could go for a walk and get my steps. A pretty boring day; but it was mine, just like this blog is mine, and written in a voice that is mine.

So, let’s chat about Music.

Even more than words, music is the most powerful force in my life: I sing when wildly happy, and also when I’m so depressed that all I want to do is curl up in bed; I listen to Linkin Park when I’m feeling particularly disenfranchised; I will hype myself up for workouts by playing K-Pop Demon Hunters or other animated musicals (nothing like the kick-ass enthusiasm of childhood). Even now, as I endeavor to write this, I’m listening to The Gael/Promentory from The Last of the Mohicans; a highly-evocative piece, beloved of my family.

Music is the universal language of which I never tire – memories forever etched upon my soul carry their own soundtrack. I remember going on tour with Cal Poly Polyphonics in Hungary and singing in a small church just outside of Budapest. Afterwards, we had a potluck with the congregation, and after exhausting the phrases from our guidebooks, we ended the meal by singing the joyful call and response of “Heaven is a Wonderful Place.” Alternatively, I have a very clear memory of confessing my feelings for someone — who didn’t return them — all while “I’m Kissing You” from Romeo + Juliet played quietly through the speakers of his computer (this is the wrong track, I remember thinking, trying to make myself laugh as I fought back tears). And to shift the bitter back to the sweet: my favorite performance of the last five years was one I shared with a room full of software engineers, as we all belted out Celine Dion’s My Heart Will Go On at Twitch Con karaoke (talk about bardic inspiration)… a close second is singing karaoke in Tokyo with one of my very best friends and her family.

I do not take my ability to sing and make music for granted. In fact, I find it very humbling to be a part of something bigger than myself. And this is true whether I am singing as part of a chorus of hundreds or just in my shower — I don’t think there is anything as a solo. Similar to what Dr. Maya Angelou once said, every time I set out to make music, I’m accompanied by at least one other person that I’ve known, whose existence colors the notes much in the same way sound is shaped when a cellist draws their bow. And when I go to concerts (and I’m talking about venues where the audience is not encouraged to sing-along), my favorite part of a performance is the silence at the end of a piece, just before the clapping starts — it’s that moment when you hear everyone exhale, and that feeling of being drawn together through the shared breath.

Which leads me back to choral singing, and current events: I am thrilled to share that I have joined the San Francisco City Chorus (or SFCC, which is wonderfully-close to SKCC, my choral home of the last decade(+)). We are preparing the music for our spring concert, “Flights of Fancy,” which features the poetry of Emily Dickinson (set to music written by our Artistic Director), as well as other contemporary pieces, like “Wild Swans” by Christoper Tin (the legend behind The Drop that Contained the Sea) — Mendelssohn’s Midsummer Night’s Dream also sneaked onto the program.

Choral singing has long been my go-to source of community, because it literally takes everyone working together in harmony to create a performance. It requires investment not only in your own part, but also trust in everyone else to know what is required of them. Singing with a choir is a wonderful experience because it gives me the chance to embrace my talents, while also highlighting the (many) ways I can grow as a musician. And because every concert is different, there are always opportunities to learn (which you know is one of my primary pleasures). Beyond the mental benefits, singing is also key to my physical well-being. To sing well, one must release the tension in their body, control their breathing, and — as my vocal teacher always reminded me — “draw from the roots.”

And that’s what music is all about — staying connected to the earth while feeling the expanse of the universe within and without myself. I’ve never been able to find the exact quote, but to paraphrase: “the voice has something of the physical before it is borne aloft into the ethereal.” And just like the body that houses it, the voice requires exercise — so I will keep singing, writing, and giving voice to my (rambling, rambunctious, and rhapsodic) thoughts.

SF Neighborhoods/Places Explored: Union Square, Nob Hill, de Young Museum

Soundtrack: John Williams

Bus + Bench Book: We Are Green and Trembling, by Gabriela Cabezón Cámara (1/2 read)

Lesson-Learned: Sometimes, when you’re feeling weird and hermit-y, you just got to ride it out. Tomorrow is another chance to “people” again.