Week 10…

Not only does a cold rob me of my literal voice, the brain fog that accompanies said illness steals away any enthusiasm I have for next-level thought and extra mobility.

All of this to say: I hope y’all didn’t miss me too much, but I had a good excuse — I was feeling massively sorry for myself. The weather was gorgeous too; Karl (San Francisco’s fog) didn’t even deign to keep my mental fog company. Bad form, Karl.

However, as I ramble along the road to recovery, my thoughts return, and I become very introspective, even as I marinate in my bed (you know, I used to think that sounded better than “bed rot” but upon seeing it in type… no). And as I was attempting to nap, I kept thinking of things I would rather be doing: writing my blog, reading a book, even joy-scrolling Instagram.

I don’t doom-scroll, or rather, I do my darndest to keep my Instagram a place for music, indie art, and fun animal videos. Is it because I believe ignorance is #bliss? Not at all; it’s because I know that, for me, wallowing in misery is a choice that I don’t want to make — especially when I already don’t feel all sunshine and lollipops.

And upon firing-up my Insta, I found a meme sent to me by a Washington buddy. To paraphrase, it was something like: “is your friend OK? I dunno, but she sent me sixteen reels, so at least I know she’s alive.”

What does it mean to “keep in touch?” What does it mean to preserve a relationship, a connection, when two (or more people) are not occupants of the same space (or even, really, the same time). For me, I have found numerous ways to express my love/affection/esteem for others… often through writing, gestures, and/or shared play.

In fact, writing this blog is a way I am endeavoring to keep in touch with many people — including some I don’t know very well (at all?), but to whom I am grateful for reading what I publish. Yes, I write to get out of my own head and to be more present, but also to share a part of myself with a broader audience.

It’s funny, even though I’m handing out bits of my life on this blog like free samples at a bakery, writing is also an act of self preservation — not only am I metaphorically preserving this version of myself in the sticky amber of a WordPress site — but I’m also creating a lovely little reservoir of energy for my off-screen endeavors.

Too many phone calls in a single day is like blowing my nose nonstop — it empties me out and leaves me with a headache. But through this blog, I can tell you what I’ve been up to, and even express myself more openly than I might would otherwise.

The sharing of memes is also a love-language. I know folks sneer that it is low-effort engagement, but I will have you know that I cultivate and gather up memes for my friends with the same care that a royal gardener would grow and assemble bouquets for a queen. I have been blessed with so many amazing friends, and the best way, sometimes, for me to say “I thought of you today” is to digitally send them art, a poem, or “French Potatoes for your Mental Health.”

Of course, beyond blog writing, I also have fallen (back) in love with sending cards. I owe this primarily to two dear friends: one a lovely, eloquent letter-writer, and the other a wildly-charming post-card paladin from the other side of the globe. Exchanging snail-mail with them has always been a treat, a moment of “surprise and delight” (iykyk) of which I never tire — and inspired by them (and my father, another letter-writer), I’ve taken to sending out correspondence of my own. Living in San Francisco, the land of markets, has fueled this mail-mania by providing me with a steady supply of singular stationary (created by local artists).

Finally, in a more esoteric sense, I keep in touch with others by carrying them in my thoughts and heart — one is nestled securely in the staff of a musical score, another is darting in between the pages of a beloved book that we’ve both read, and I taste both the sweet laughter and acidic wit of another in a fresh scone layered with cream and lemon curd.

Where was I going with this? Oh yes — I may at times be out of touch 😉 , but I am quite content to keep in touch with you. The form may just surprise you.

SF Neighborhoods/Places Explored: The Sunset (District)

Soundtrack: /nosummer

Bus + Bench Book: Where I Was From, Joan Didion (and while ill: Carl’s Doomsday Scenario by Matt Dinniman and Hot Chocolate on Thursday by Michiko Aoyama)

Lesson-Learned: Brooding is not a free-action